Shoku ni Naru
by emication
Summary: Heero thinks Duo needs a job, so he fills out an application.


Title: Shoku ni Naru[1]  
Author: Vinyl Koneko (Emily), roguegirl@att.net  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: shonen ai, sexual innuendo, gutter humor, language  
Archive: Want it? Take it. Just give me credit, please.  
Comments: I just got so damn sick of filling these things out that I had to write a fanfic. ::shrug:: This is heavily based on the form that Sam Goody/Suncoast/Musicland/Media Play/On-Cue make you fill out. Um, it's also meant to be slightly funny, I hope, so if Duo appears dumb...naive...er...I like to think more along the lines of finding a different meaning, but you get the idea. It's harmless fun! Creative license supplied me with Duo's address, phone number, etc. For lack of confusion on my behalf, I'm pretending they are in the States at the time.  
  
*emphasis*  
TEXT ON FORM  
  
*~**~**~**~*  
  
Duo was sitting in front of the computer sucking on a popsicle and reading fanfictions[2] when Heero came in, slamming the door noisily behind him.  
  
"Konban wa, Hee-chan! How was work?" Duo bounded across the room, throwing his arms around his stoic lover's shoulders (mindful of the popsicle, of course, that would make *quite* the mess in Heero's hair).  
  
"Hn," the Japanese youth replied, pulling Duo's body flush against his for an I-missed-you-all-day kiss opposed to a bedroom-quick-now kiss or the don't-elaborate-we're-in-public kiss.  
  
The braided American smiled. "Is that 'hn' a good or a bad one?" he asked, drawing the popsicle back into his mouth. Duo smiled playfully when he noticed Heero's eyes paying rapt attention to what his mouth was doing to the frozen fruit on a stick. "Jealous?"  
  
"You have no idea."  
  
Duo sent a seductive gaze at his love as he ran his tongue down and up the popsicle, causing Heero to moan. "Koi, stop the fellatio with the popsicle and eat it already. I have something for you."  
  
"Honto ni?" Duo's eyebrows shot up. Heero hardly *ever* came home bearing gifts. Well...gifts of actual monetary value, anyway. "Nan desu ka?"  
  
Heero reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper folded into eighths. He handed the white with red paper to Duo who unfolded in skeptically.  
  
"Nani!? Hee-chan, it's a job application! To Suncoast? Naze?"  
  
"You need a job. You spend enough money there, any way."  
  
"Demo, Hee~ro...there's no way they'd hire me!" Heero raised an eyebrow at his lover, who sighed defeatedly. "Fine. I'll fill it out, demo you'll see."  
  
*~**~*  
  
PRELIMINARY EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION  
  
PERSONAL DATA (PLEASE PRINT)  
  
NAME (LAST, FIRST MIDDLE): Maxwell, Duo  
  
ADDRESS: 2 Flagstone Drive[3]  
  
CITY, STATE ZIP: Manchester, NH 03101[4]  
  
HOME TELEPHONE: (603) 425-7500[5]  
  
BUSINESS TELEPHONE: n/a  
  
POSITION DESIRED: Isn't this kind of a personal question to be putting on a job application? Is it really any of your business? Demo if you really have to know...I *really* prefer being the seme, but I don't have any problem with being the uke.  
  
DATE AVAILABLE FOR EMPLOYMENT: Um...I'm not doing anything tomorrow...  
  
WHAT STARTING SALARY DO YOU EXPECT?: Well seeing how this would require working for a store chain that is commonly located in malls across the country, I probably wouldn't be rolling in the big bucks, now would I? How's $12/hour sound?  
  
HAVE YOU EVER WORKED OR ATTENDED SCHOOL UNDER ANOTHER NAME? IF YES, STATE PREVIOUS NAME(S): Uh...yeah... Is that really important? Do you really think that I remember my other names? I worked under the name Shinigami for a loooong time. Still do, sometimes, but that's when I get *really* pissed off at people.  
  
CAN YOU WORK ANY DAY OF THE WEEK? IF NO, WHAT DAYS CAN YOU WORK?: Yes but there is no way in hell I'm going to work on a Saturday or Sunday.  
  
CAN YOU WORK ANY SHIFT? IF NO, WHAT HOURS CAN YOU WORK?: Unfortunately I can work every shift, but I'm grouchy if I get less than 9 hours of sleep every night.  
  
HAVE YOU EVER WORKED FOR THIS COMPANY? IF YES, WHEN AND WHERE?: No I haven't.  
  
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DISCHARGED BY A PREVIOUS EMPLOYER? IF YES, EXPLAIN: Yeah, um, well, see, I kind of *had* to leave because the war, well, ended. It's hard to stay on a job when the reason for its existence stops.  
  
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO RELOCATE?: Not really.   
  
WHAT IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF SCHOOL COMPLETED?: Um...does it really matter? School has been kind of on and off with me. Didn't really go. Do you need a full education to sell movies, though? I don't think so.  
  
ARE YOU 16 YEARS OR OLDER?: Yep.  
  
AS REQUIRED BY THE IMMIGRATION REFORM ACT OF 1986, WILL YOU BE ABLE TO PROVE IDENTITY AND RIGHT TO WORK IN THE UNITED STATES IF HIRED BY THIS COMPANY?: Yeah, I guess so. Wow. Reform Act of 1986, huh. Isn't that thing a little old? It might need to be updated sometime soon.  
  
HAVE YOU BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME WITHIN THE LAST SEVEN YEARS? IF YES, WHAT, WHEN, AND DISPOSITION OF CASE: Yes I have, but I think I've been cleared of a lot of them. Let's see, a crime in the last seven years... I was a fifteen-year-old terrorist a few years back, but that isn't a problem to anybody now.  
  
*~**~*  
  
WORK HISTORY: LIST ALL EMPLOYERS FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS BEGINNING WITH THE MOST CURRENT. USE ADDITIONAL APPLICATION FORM IF NECESSARY. (THIS INFORMATION WILL BE VERIFIED THROUGH REFERENCE CHECKS UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED).  
  
DATES EMPLOYED (FROM, TO): 195-197  
  
COMPANY NAME AND ADDRESS: Gundam pilot  
  
SUPERVISOR'S NAME & TELEPHONE NUMBER: Professor G, I'd assume, but the guy doesn't really have a way to be contacted. He'd contact me, but it's not like I keep in touch.  
  
YOUR POSITION & LAST PAY RATE: Ha! Pay rate! That's funny!  
  
DUTIES: Kill OZ pilots; blow up OZ bases; destroy OZ mobile suits; you seeing the pattern?  
  
REASON FOR LEAVING: The war kind of ended.  
  
DATES EMPLOYED (FROM, TO): 196-197  
  
COMPANY NAME AND ADDRESS: Sweepers Group, L2  
  
SUPERVISOR'S NAME & TELEPHONE NUMBER: Don't remember the guy's name, but you could contact Hilde Schbeiker I you wanted to. She could give a good word about me.  
  
YOUR POSITION & LAST PAY RATE: I blew things up and collected the scraps. I was paid in parts in return, so I wouldn't really say I was paid for anything.  
  
DUTIES: Blow things up; fix things that could be fixed.  
  
REASON FOR LEAVING: Personal reasons...like a co-worker was enraptured by my stunning beauty and couldn't contain herself even though I was clearly in a relationship.  
  
DATES EMPLOYED (FROM, TO): 198-200  
  
COMPANY NAME AND ADDRESS: Preventers  
  
SUPERVISOR'S NAME & TELEPHONE NUMBER: Lady Une...I wouldn't call her if I was anybody sane.  
  
YOUR POSITION & LAST PAY RATE: I don't know. I was a Preventer. I got about $50,000 a year, but that's after those damn taxes take away a good chunk of it.  
  
DUTIES: Prevent.  
  
REASON FOR LEAVING: It wasn't that exciting a job. Honestly. How much fun can preventing be after two years?  
  
*~**~*  
  
WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU THINK A SALES ASSOCIATE SHOULD HAVE?: Helpful, cute, lovable, not be a pain in the ass.  
  
IN YOUR OPINION, WHAT ARE THEIR MAIN RESPONSIBILITIES?: To sell things... Is this a trick question?  
  
BY MY SIGNATURE BELOW, I CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS PRELIMINARY EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION (AND ACCOMPANYING RESUME OR DOCUMENTATION, IF ANY) IS TRUE AND COMPLETE, AND I UNDERSTAND THAT ANY FALSE OR MISLEADING INFORMATION OR OMISSIONS MAY DISQUALIFY ME FROM FURTHER CONSIDERATION FOR EMPLOYMENT, OR MAY LEAD TO MY DISMISSAL, IF DISCOVERED AT A LATER DATE. I AGREE TO IMMEDIATELY NOTIFY THE COMPANY IF I AM CONVICTED OF A FELONY OR ANY CRIME INVOLVING THEFT, WHILE MY APPLICATION IS PENDING, OR DURING MY PERIOD OF EMPLOYMENT IF HIRED. I ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT BOTH MYSELF AND THE COMPANY HAVE THE RIGHT TO TERMINATE MY EMPLOYMENT AND COMPENSATION WITH OR WITHOUT CAUSE AT ANY TIME. FAILURE TO SIGN BELOW WILL DISQUALIFY YOU FROM BEING CONSIDERED FOR EMPLOYMENT.  
  
SIGNATURE OF APPLICANT: Duo Maxwell  
  
DATE: 11/5/200  
  
WE ARE A DRUG AND ALCOHOL FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT AND AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER  
  
*~**~*  
  
Duo put the pen down, cracked his neck, shoulders, and knuckles, and handed the paper in Heero's direction. "What do you think? Do I sound like sales associate material to you?"  
  
Heero read through the application, trying damn hard not to laugh but failing any way. Duo blinked, confused. "Did I mess up somewhere? Nani? I answered the questions correctly, tadashii? Nani?!"  
  
"You were right, koi. They *wouldn't* hire you."  
  
Duo stood there, not sure if he should feel happy for being right or angry with the fact that he answered the questions accordingly and he still wouldn't be able to get the job. He lifted his nose in the air and turned his head stubbornly. "Well maybe I'll have to find an employer who means it when they say 'equal opportunity'..."  
  
"Or you could go back to the preventing business."  
  
Duo made a face. "You think Une will want me back? I, ahem, kinda left with a bang."  
  
"I'm sure she won't mind. Now, let's test your...qualifications."  
  
Duo brushed his long bangs out of his eyes. "Hm? Qualifications for what?"  
  
Heero smiled coyly. "For your desired positions, aisuru."  
  
The American smiled broadly, twirling his braid around his fingers. "Aa. And if I'm qualified...could we make this a permanent arrangment?"  
  
"Donna anata nozomu de mo, itoshii."[6]  
  
*~**~**~**~*  
  
Owari  
  
[1]Get a Job...I hope. I like to pretend I know Japanese, when in all reality I have several different dictionaries and a book on Japanese slang.  
[2]First of all...it's a green popsicle because those are yummy unlike the icky red or purple, and he's not reading hentai, ya perverts, because I wanted to keep this story clean. ^_^  
[3]Address of a motorcycle shop in Hudson, NH.  
[4]::sweatdrop:: Hey, they only live 20 minutes away from me! Sugoi! Actually, that's because I don't know many other zip codes and I don't know where another Suncoast could be in Mass or wherever.  
[5]Prosciutto's Italian Pizza...I couldn't find the number for Dynamite Sushi Bar, so I took the next best thing.  
[6]I really hope this is right, but it should say, "Whatever you wish, dear." 


End file.
